I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
