Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
