By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
