Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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