You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
