im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
