I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
