Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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