yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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