Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
