you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
