I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
