My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
