Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
