Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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