i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
so much tequila, so little girl.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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