meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
