He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
