Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
