cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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