Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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