You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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