then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
