Sponge bath it is.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
