you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
