We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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