So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
