like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
