I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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