Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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