textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
