how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
