YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Your penis caused this!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
