Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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