Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He has the fingertips of a God
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
