"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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