I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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