Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
