i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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