Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
