WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
