He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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