just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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