This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
