Soap is not a condiment
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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