if i can run in heels then i can drive
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
