um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
