dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
