My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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