mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
