i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
