Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
