even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
