I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
