I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
