I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
