RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Randomize
