I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
