I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
