for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize