Your dad touched me again.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sorry my hands just texted you
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
