so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
