Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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