Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
