"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You left your phone here
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