HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
